50 Funny Facebook Status Lines - Guaranteed Laughter

Facebook, where would we be without it? I actually think my life would be easier without Facebook, but in this busy life, it's handy to keep in touch with old friends. The other day I logged on and went on the profile of someone I hadn't spoken to for a while, and his status was something funny - funny enough to make me laugh out loud. It got me thinking, and researching, and I've compiled a list of 50 funny Facebook status lines.

Just said to the dog " go for a p" and he did. On the floor.

Finally managed to change my computer password, from password. It's only taken 2 years.

Just to be clear, I do not suffer with my insanity - I'm enjoying it.

If history repeats itself, I wanna dinosaur!

I stepped on a cornflake. Does that make me a cereal killer?

Nothing p****s me off more when driving that a bird walking across the road. It's okay, I'll wait. haven't got a meeting or anything. By the way you can fly, IDIOT!

If Google can't find it, it doesn't exist. But it will find you a therapist.

My computer may have beaten me at chess, but it wasn't laughing after a round of kick boxing.

Where there's a will, there's 100 relatives that pop out of the woodwork.

This dog is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Username or password incorrect. Well tell me which one you b***h!

Is also being recalled from Toyota

Believe in looking after number one, especially if the dog isn't house trained.

The lift button with a fireman's hat on apparently is not the button you press if you want a fireman's hat...

When I say " Why me?" God, also known as Morgan Freeman, says " who else did you have in mind?"

If you're allergic to nuts, avoid Facebook, it's full of em'.

Just farted and it froze

Killing time murders opportunities

To lose weight: move your head to the right, then the left, and repeat every time someone offers you food. It really works.

Did you know you can't hum when you plug your nose?

It's okay to be ugly, but you're sure overdoing it.

Struggling to tell a joke cos I'm peeing myself

I bought a bag of crisps, not half a bag of air.

Is that your ex? No, that is the biggest mistake of my life.

Quickly closing all the browsers as the boss walks over. Done it. Yes. Feels like I've just knocked a serial killer off.

Pretty sure the whole ladies first thing was created by a guy who liked arse.

Facebook is the only place where you can get away with talking to a wall without being laughed at.

If people could read my mind I'd get punched hell of a lot in the face.

I'm searching Facebook for somebody called Hontas. I think it would be cool to poke-a-hontas.

Thinking it's funny how when people talk to god it's prayer, yet when god talks back, it's schizophrenia.

I bet all prison inmates Facebook status is set to "it's complicated."

When someone says " I love You", but you're not feeling it, say " I love YouTube really" quickly...

Having weird sarcastic conversations with yourself minutes after someone's annoyed you.

You've cat to be kitten me right meow

Do cats burp? My dog giggles, the cat must be able to do something I can put on YouTube.

Facebook is like jail. You sit around wasting time, writing on walls and getting poked by people you don't know.

If my house is clean, Facebook is broken.

When it comes to driving, anyone driving slower than me is an idiot, while anyone driving faster than me is a maniac.

Never take a sedative and a laxative on the same night. Not a good combination.

Swearing makes the pain go away by 50% + Nuromol and you're sorted!

I had an Epifanny last night - I realized I can't spell.

Why do people with bad breath always want to tell me a secret?

Hope this has given you a funny facebook status, or at least a laugh!